Moments

There are moments as a mother that can bring you to the highest high or the lowest low as well as most that are in between. It seems that you really only remember the extremes and not the average, plain old day. I'm trying to enjoy more of those moments. Maybe it's because I've been extremely busy, between work, city council and kids, I feel like I'm constantly on the go. Which is probably why I haven't posted for a while. Where does the time go. My baby girl turns 14 in a few days and it feels like just yesterday we were bringing her home and watching her sleep and wondering why she wouldn't when we wanted to!! The joys of a first baby!

So as I type, I'm thinking of the million things that I should be doing, but this feels like a relief. Everything has been so chaotic. We went into a friends sealing Saturday morning at the Salt Lake Temple. It was beautiful and it reminded me how precious my babies are. On the way home, I asked Jared what we needed to do different to help Gunnar (who has been really struggling). I was waiting for some great spiritual enlightenment and he basically said, "We're busy, there's nothing we can do about that. We just have to deal and do our best." A small letdown for the awe inspiring moment I wanted. Why does life have to be so darn complicated??

So the last few weeks have provided some great moments that I can't help but sharing. Here they are in no particular order:

Ryker - Ryker's preschool class had a parent/child activity day. They are always lots of fun and I've enjoyed all of them in the past. So we were excited to go to this one. During the class the presenter talked about vocabulary and the importance of reading and talking to your children (which I totally agree with) - although some kids seem more apt to talk than others - like Ryker, who never seems to be quiet. So, during the class we received a story book, "The Three Little Pigs." The teacher asks us (parents) to read the story before we went home. So here's me reading the story (which Ryker has heard before several times). The big bad wolf said: (Ryker in a really low voice) "Little pig, little pig, let me in." Then I say, "And the little pig answered" (Ryker now in a super high voice), "Not by the hair of the chinny chin." After the story we planted a seed and talked about what would happen. We finished everything and headed out, but stopped to thank the teacher. Ryker says, "I sure liked your ingredients today." The teacher is super impressed (mom is beaming). The teacher says, "He must have older siblings, he has a great vocabulary." Me: "Yes, and his babysitter encourages talking, which has really helped him." I left with a large head. It feels like lately I'm not doing so hot as a mother, so that day I felt pretty cool!

Jaxon: Two Fridays ago, I went to Jaxon's Jr. Jazz basketball game. After the game he came to me to say that the Jazz game was the next day and they needed rides and he volunteered me to drive. (First I'd heard of any of this). So here I am driving 7 boys into Salt Lake (only two are mine). We make it into Salt Lake without any major yelling (always positive!). We park in a parking garage on the top, walk all the way down, I call my friend to pick up her son and while doing that ask the boys if they all have their tickets. Too easy, right? No, two left their tickets in the car, one doesn't even have a ticket. I send the boys back to the car while I try to track down my friend. 20 minutes later we have all boys and all the tickets, (after a parade of 8 boys to the other side of the Energy Solutions Arena), went through security, walked all the way up to the top of the arena (2nd row from the top), sat down, stood up, walked back down, got hotdogs, walked back up, walked back down with other boys, walked back up, watched some of the game..... the worst was anticipating going to Wal-mart (necessity) with all 8 boys. So, with only 3 minutes left of the game we decided to leave. I turned to Jaxon and said, "Where are my keys." Okay, in hind sight, probably should have asked this sooner. Poor Jaxon has a total meltdown, I think if he could have melted into the floor, he would have. I finally got out of him what happened. After thinking the worse, he says, "I left them on the grass outside the parking garage." Okay, that was one of the worse thoughts. Especially after walking by many, many people........ So, here we are running to the parking garage (as if the few minutes will make all the difference). But hey, I didn't have to nag them to hurry. And, miracle of miracles, they were there. Now, you may think that I was totally freaking out. Sadly, no. I was amazingly calm. Why? Because seriously, this is minor. The worst part was thinking if someone stole my suburban, I wouldn't be able to drive all my kids around. The JOYS of motherhood!! (Oh, we survived Wal-mart - it was easy.)

Gunnar: It's really been a struggle lately, school has been hard, home has been hard, everything it seems is hard. No matter what we try it doesn't seem to work, or we'll have a great day and then a terrible day and there is no middle ground. A friend shared a blog post with me that totally summed everything up. The blog basically said that we can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. It's like the lights at the movie theater when the movie is going. They're dim, but they're there. You just have to follow them. At times I see those lights, other times, it's just pitch black. We've tried medication, changed medication, changed it again, wondering why a 8 year old is telling you he wants to kill himself.... and wondering what we can do to make things better, or at least, not as bad. Overall things are better. Sadly, better is somewhat relative. It's no longer terrible, which is an improvement. One day, we're going to find an answer, or at least feel like we're traveling down the right road. Right now, we're still trying to find out which road we're supposed to be taking. These are moments that feel dark and hopeless. Faith and prayer are the only things that seem to make a difference.

Although as hard as it is sometimes, Gunnar will say something that amazing me, or makes me laugh. Gunnar was saying his prayers the other night and prayed for a family member that is sick (not deathly ill, just sick), although most don't know, I'm not even sure how Gunnar knew, since we haven't told anyone or talked about it. But he knew and every night he prays for them. It is an amazing thing to see the faith of a child.

The other, he popped off the day. My nephew had his homecoming and with my in-laws coming out, I told my kids that we should probably pick up our house, in case Grandma and Grandpa stopped by. That way, they wouldn't think that we're pigs. Gunnar matter of a factly said, "They already know." Well, that just kills the motivation to clean....... For someone who feels like he isn't very good at things, he is very, very observant, too much sometimes!!

Jerrick: This one comes from my husband, who sometimes likes to play mind tricks with my kids. If you know him, you'll totally understand! Jerrick is outside playing with his friends and bites his tongue. He's crying and comes in telling his dad that he bit his tongue and wants to know if it's bleeding. All neighbor kids have followed (8 of them - or so). So Jared says, "Stick out your tongue." When Jerrick sticks out his tongue, Jared exclaims, "OH NO!" Which proceeds to panic Jerrick and everyone else. Poor Jerrick thought he was going to die, or at least loose his tongue. Morbid to mess with a 6 year old........ Jared said later (no, I wasn't around) that he should have had a camera to catch the expressions on all of their faces. He said it was hilarious. If my children end up messed up - you'll all know why!!

I've realized that motherhood will NEVER be easy and I will probably always wonder what I should be doing different. It's those hind-sight moments that you realize, oh yeah, that would have been better!! I guess that's what keeps us going, hoping that we're going to get better. I suppose that there will never be enough time or energy to get everything done. Thank goodness for friends and family who help make a difference. I'm going to quit wishing for the next stage and try to enjoy the moments, even the ones I'd later forget!!